1 in 3 women will experience intimate partner violence at some point in her life. Most women who leave an abusive partner leave 6 times before they finally leave for good.
What can I do to help? What are the problems that are holding people (both men and women) in their abusive relationships and what can the average well meaning person do to get involved.
I always say the hardest of all the addictions to treat is an addition to unhealthy love. With most addictions you focus on abstinence, finding replacements, and filling that persons world with other supports. The challenge with unhealthy love is it tends to scorch the earth around the relationship and leave the person very isolated. By the time a relationship is violent many friends and family have already expressed a dislike of the abusive partner and abused person is too ashamed to admit what is going on.
People stuck in abusive toxic relationships ARE NOT STUPID! They are typically at war with themselves. They are often aware that what they are going through is not ok, but they find ways to blame themselves and justify what is going on. A huge component of this is shame.
In some ways this problem is an opportunity. It means that strangers can often be more effective than close friends and family in providing support because there is less shame and stigma in admitting to someone you don't know that you are trapped, than to the person who has been telling you for years that you need to get out.
A starting place would be to have a single symbol that anyone could recognize that a home is a domestic violence (DV) safe house. Right now a person in a DV relationship is wanders the world with their shameful secret feeling totally alone. What if they could walk in their neighborhood and see house after house with a decal on the window broadcasting that it was a safe place to turn if a person is dealing with DV. Maybe they would feel a little more hope, even if they were not yet ready to leave. Maybe on a night when they needed to go somewhere safe they could take their dog and run to the house down the block with that decal, ring the doorbell and find a safe place to be.
I imagine a social network website, half way between facebook and sitter city, where people who want to be of support could post a profile and list what they were willing to offer.
Right now I could not take a woman and her three children into my basement for two weeks, but I could offer to go with someone to help carry boxes and bags of clothes and transport them. I could give a ride to work. I would be willing to go through a criminal background check and have that posted on the website so people would know that I was not some creep who was looking to take advantage of people in a terrible life situation.
Being a part of a DV underground railroad would be complicated and potentially dangerous. But so was the anti slavery underground railroad.
The current shelters are not enough. Women often cannot bring their male children if they are over a certain age and they can almost never bring their pets. Those are factors that can keep a person in a dangerous situation.
What I dream someone will do with this seed is start with the easier part and create that logo for the home decal. I also wish someone would start the website, or even just adapt a facebook group to meet this need.
Everyday in this country thousands upon thousands of people live in danger and fear and they are surrounded by people who want to help but just don't know how.
Can you help me spread the possibiliseeds about this issue?
What can I do to help? What are the problems that are holding people (both men and women) in their abusive relationships and what can the average well meaning person do to get involved.
I always say the hardest of all the addictions to treat is an addition to unhealthy love. With most addictions you focus on abstinence, finding replacements, and filling that persons world with other supports. The challenge with unhealthy love is it tends to scorch the earth around the relationship and leave the person very isolated. By the time a relationship is violent many friends and family have already expressed a dislike of the abusive partner and abused person is too ashamed to admit what is going on.
People stuck in abusive toxic relationships ARE NOT STUPID! They are typically at war with themselves. They are often aware that what they are going through is not ok, but they find ways to blame themselves and justify what is going on. A huge component of this is shame.
In some ways this problem is an opportunity. It means that strangers can often be more effective than close friends and family in providing support because there is less shame and stigma in admitting to someone you don't know that you are trapped, than to the person who has been telling you for years that you need to get out.
A starting place would be to have a single symbol that anyone could recognize that a home is a domestic violence (DV) safe house. Right now a person in a DV relationship is wanders the world with their shameful secret feeling totally alone. What if they could walk in their neighborhood and see house after house with a decal on the window broadcasting that it was a safe place to turn if a person is dealing with DV. Maybe they would feel a little more hope, even if they were not yet ready to leave. Maybe on a night when they needed to go somewhere safe they could take their dog and run to the house down the block with that decal, ring the doorbell and find a safe place to be.
I imagine a social network website, half way between facebook and sitter city, where people who want to be of support could post a profile and list what they were willing to offer.
Right now I could not take a woman and her three children into my basement for two weeks, but I could offer to go with someone to help carry boxes and bags of clothes and transport them. I could give a ride to work. I would be willing to go through a criminal background check and have that posted on the website so people would know that I was not some creep who was looking to take advantage of people in a terrible life situation.
Being a part of a DV underground railroad would be complicated and potentially dangerous. But so was the anti slavery underground railroad.
The current shelters are not enough. Women often cannot bring their male children if they are over a certain age and they can almost never bring their pets. Those are factors that can keep a person in a dangerous situation.
What I dream someone will do with this seed is start with the easier part and create that logo for the home decal. I also wish someone would start the website, or even just adapt a facebook group to meet this need.
Everyday in this country thousands upon thousands of people live in danger and fear and they are surrounded by people who want to help but just don't know how.
Can you help me spread the possibiliseeds about this issue?
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